Tears For Water
by watchingmewatchingu
Summary: *ABANDONED* Faith is trying to get over a bad breakup, Tara's there for moral support, but what happens when someone gets sick and is in need of Faith's moral support? Faith/Buffy very much implied
1. Forgive and Forget

"What are you doing?" Faith was laying spread out on the couch. "Nothing." Tara was well aware that the 'nothing-ness' that that recently had been consuming Faith, would stick around if she didn't do anything about it. "I get it, you're bored." She looked up at Tara and raised her eyebrows ."Ya think?"

Faith had been acting like this, ever since Buffy had broken up with her and kicked her out of her house. "You need to get out of here." Tara opened up the curtains and the rays of the sun came creeping in. Faith grunted loudly and hid her face in her hands. "Actually, no, I don't. Did B send you over here to spy on me or something?"

Faith was the kind of girl who would look for love in all the lonely places, in other words she was no poster child. She was the kind of gil who would out of nowhere tell you she's bi polar just so you'd trust her. She would leave out condoms on the bedroom dresser just to make you jealous of the guys she fucked before you met her.

"Am I dull?" Faith peaked out through her fingers. "You're not a coat hanger, I'll give you that." Gently Tara took her hands in hers. "Faith, I know that you're hurting. I can feel it in my bones and in my heart. When you're in pain, I'm in pain" Tara was always nice and whenever she was around Faith, comfort hadn't failed to fallow. "I like you. You're my rock and I like how that feels."

They sat in silence, the warm summer sun shining in on them, through the window. Happiness was no longer a gash away, Faith could feel it in her soul. Buffy might've fucked her over, but she was getting back on track, she no longer needed her, to feel good about herself and for Faith, that was a giant step, actually it was one huge leap forward and it wouldn't be long now, until Buffy was just yet another lost memory.

"Drink?" Faith got on her feet. "It's too early. How about, ice cream?" although _'a drink'_ had a much better ring to it than ice cream. "Am I the only one who can see that she's living a lie?" Tara had to admit that she'd come a long way, if only there was a Buffy patch. Sure, the petite blond Slayer was a girl you'd soon forget, but for Faith to get this attached was beyond anyone's comprehension. "She's trying, you've got to give her that." But Faith wasn't hearing it. "She's trying alright. She tries and she tries and she tries, but she never gets anywhere."

For Faith to stand there and judge Buffy, was rather shocking to Tara. There was a time when Buffy and Faith were so alike, they were basically the same person. "Are you perfect?" Faith didn't even have to think about that one. "Far from. I wake up ever morning feeling like I've failed." Tara cupped her face. "And do you know why? Because there is not such thing as perfection, not in this life time."

"I know you want to jump around, but try to contain yourself." Tara said  
_Some people are activly cruel because they aren't perfect, because they have yet to realize that it doesn't exist._  
"I know that you love her, she's a pretty lovable person. But what she has to understand is that can't do it by herself. No matter how hard she tries, she'll never be able to save the world on her own. It's just not possible."  
When it came to Buffy Summers, anything was possible. It al starts with Buffy and it all ends with Buffy. "Faith, I understand that you're scared, but if you run know, you will always be running. Let's stick together, you and me and let's fight, until our fight is over, that way, you'll never have to run again."

If only things were that easy.  
"You think that's how it'll go? We'll stick together and just fight an endless war? It's not that simple, nothing is. Stop trying to defend her, she did this, Everything can't be saved." Tara was beginning to put two and two together. "And definitely not everyone."

Faith wasn't offended, not that Tara was trying to anyway. She didn't know whether to stay or go. "If she stops, the world will still be fucked up. Then what? What is she then?" She was like a little puppy, just begging to be loved. Only she was asking to be loved by a person who was not capable to love her, not in the way she wanted to. "She will still be Buffy, even though the world stays the same."

Faith's eyes started to sting, but she wouldn't let herself cry, not in front of Tara, not in front of anybody. "If you take it away from her, if you strip her of her powers, you think she would still ne Buffy?" She had never seen Faith like this. So obsessed, so needy, so unlike herself. What ever happened to _'want, take, have.' _Tara watched her lips moving, but she was no longer listening.  
She leaned in closer, so that she cold feel Faith's hot breath on her. "There is no other alternative. Buffy's Buffy, always." Faith closed her eyes and enjoyed the warmth of another body against hers. "She doesn't fight to live, she fights because fighting is her life. There is not other alternative to that."

Faith trailed her fingers along Tara's jaw line, desperate to feel her. Her knees buckled and she fell to the floor, dragging Tara down with her. "Missed me?" She asked and looked up at her. _'There she is, there's my Faithy.'_ Tara gave her a shy grin, slowly she leaned closer, until their lips met and they kiss.  
Deep and ruthless and then they melt into one.

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**AN: this is for 'fuffylover' i hope i haven't disappointed you so far, will continue asap!**


	2. Crimson Love

Faith feels the need to break away, mainly to catch her breath "How about that ice cream?" Tara smiled and kissed her on the nose. "Do you know why I like you? I like you because you put my mind at ease and you treat me with respect. You came into my life, like this thunderstorm and throughout the years you've touched my heart and changed my life and now, it's like I'm addicted to you. I never thought I'd be in love like this, you knocked me off my feet and helped me up again."

Sometimes love does that, it comes into your life and it knocks you down and you just get right back up when it happens.

Faith had never thought that she'd fall as hard as she did. Tara was the only one, except for Buffy, who she could be herself around. Tara her her thinking about their life, a house and kids. Maybe they weren't meant to be and maybe it had just happened, but there was no question about the actual fact that, it was true love indeed.

It had all started with Faith having wanted _someone_ to give her _something_, take her _somewhere_, do _something_ with her, so that she would become _some one new_. She wasn't ashamed of that anymore.  
She had learned how to take the good with the bad and the happy with the sad.  
No longer did she have to ask herself _'was this the thing to do?'_ no maybe's or what ifs. This was, without a doubt, the right thing.

Faith pushed her back and positioned herself on top of her. "The things I thought you'd never know about me, were the things I guess you always understood." She pushed Tara's top all the way up, exposing her bra and started to leave a trail of wet kisses up her stomach. Tara tugged at Faith's shirt and in the process trying to drag her down to her level, desperate to touch, desperate to feel.

"If you kiss me, you must think I'm pretty." Faith lowered herself close enough for her lips to touch Tara's, who inhaled and was practically begging for more. "And if you think so, you must want to fuck me." Tara no longer saw ice cream in her future. "And if you want to fuck me it must mean you love me." Tara felt so safe underneath her lover, so safe and so strong. Faith had let go of her past, her past, her Buffy Summer centered past. "And if you fuck me it must mean you love me." As of now, Buffy no longer existed, There was just Tara now. "And if you love me you would never leave me, it's as simple as can be."

And she gave in to Tara's moans. Lowering herself completely, Tara arched her back as she grabbed Faith's waist to hold her grinding hips in place. "Right, I forgot. You wanted ice cream." She wiggled a bit and a wicked grin appeared on Faith's face as she leaned in to steal another kiss, their lips pressed together, tongues fighting for dominance.  
Tara's whimpering and Faith's teasing, that is how it has always been and that's how it will continue being. "Fuck the ice cream." Tara managed to say in between the sloppy kisses. She bit Faith's lower lip, hard enough to draw blood and it did, but it didn't matter, not now, not ever.

It was times like these when Tara wished they could stay like this forever. Well aware that '_forever'_ did not truly exist, she wanted it to be similar to a fairly tale, a made up story, with a happy ending, because that's how her life was. Right now, in this moment, she was as happy as ever and she owed it all to Faith, her knight in shining armor.

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**AN: again, this is for 'fuffylover' thanks for all of your reviews :) **


	3. Your Actions Aren't Mine

"I should get going." Faith said and grabbed her bra. "Do you mind?" Tara helped her hook it back in place. "I don't want you to go, please don't go."  
Even though she knew Faith would be back by night fall, most likely, Tara had a hard time letting her go. "I don't wanna be around when she gets here, I'll see you tonight though. Okay, pretty girl, alright?" Faith kissed her forehead and continued to get dressed.  
Tara looked at her and smiled, just like she did every morning. She loved waking up beside Faith, whether she would have her face buried in her neck, or her back towards her, she loved every minute of it and wouldn't trade it for anything in the world. Tara wanted to share her love with the world, but for some reason, she didn't think that the world would care as much as she did.  
"So I will see you tonight then?" Faith nodded and as they walked to the front door, they held hands. "Call me later, yeah?" A quick peck on the cheek and she was gone.  
Tara stood lingering at the door for a while, before she finally closed it shut.

Soon after Faith had returned home to her lovely motel room, there was a faint knock on the door. _'It's open'_ She yelled. "Wow you aren't cautious are you? I mean I could've been any kind of evil." Faith threw the magazine she'd been reading, on to the floor. "Do me a favor, check outside, is the sun not out, or is there an alignment of the planets? Vamps don't usually attack during the day, not on my watch they don't." Buffy blushed, letting herself slightly think about the neglect ion of her work and her friends and her Faith.

"What do you want?' Buffy looked around, Faith had built herself quite a home and even though the amount of space wasn't to her liking, she did enjoy being there, with Faith. "I came here just cause, Faith, I need you, I can't stop crying. My heart is on the verge of breaking in two. You don't know how much I've suffered, you don't know." Faith couldn't believe her ears, she was being lectured by none other than Buffy, who obviously had forgotten what being a Slayer was really all about. "No, I don't think you understand. I was there, I was always there, so I know. When I wasn't there I still knew. Some pain I've caused, but it's not fair to say that I've caused all of it. So believe me when I say, I know that you're suffering. I know exactly what you're feeling because I feel it too. I feel your pain your sorrow, your happiness and your joy. And that's why I left when you told me to. I don't want to feel any of that, not anymore, not with you."

Buffy stared at her in shock and disbelief. "What, are you mentally retarded? Didn't you hear me before? I need you Faith, I need you." She knew Faith and this was not the real her. She had started to build up walls and it was getting harder and harder for Buffy to get through to her. "You're not a quitter." Faith scoffed "Watch me." She said and shoved Buffy out of her room and slammed the door in her face. "You can not give up, they can only take it away from you." Faith closed her eyes. "What's the difference?" She leaned against the door waiting for an answer, waiting for something. "Well if they take it away, you can always take it back."  
Faith never responded.  
Buffy felt a burning and twitching in her eyes, even so, she waited until she was out of site before she started to cry.

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**AN: just so there's no mix up or anything, yes Tara stills lives in the Summer's house. don't ask me why, it just makes for a better story :P  
enjoy! **


	4. The Littlest Things

"Tara, are you here?" There was a time when Tara would've run the other voice after hearing her voice. But it was different now, things were different and Buffy was the person who scared her the least. "In here." Fallowing the voice, Buffy knew would only lead her to more heart ache.  
"Was Faith here?" Tara nodded as she crunched away on her cereal. "Why did she leave?" Maybe it was a stupid question, but it was exactly how Buffy felt at the time, stupid. "You know why." Tara got up and placed the bowl in the sink. "Is Willow around?"

Tara and Willow had made a mutual decision to call it quits. The magic which Willow possessed had become too strong and the events that had fallowed because of it, had been drastic and none pleasant. And therefore a breakup was more than necessary.

"I haven't seen her." Buffy thought strongly about going to sleep, even though it was a tad bit too early, she might've gotten away with it. When she closed her eyes, she would enter a whole new world, so different from her own, behind closed doors anything's possible.  
"You know, Buffy, just because she has stopped crying, it does not mean that it doesn't hurt."

Buffy would cut herself off emotionally. But when you've had a rough life, like Faith, you learn how to survive on your own, you don't need to cut yourself off, for in the end we're all cut off. And sometimes we don't have to justify our actions either, because there might not be an explanation as to why we do what we do. Just like obsessions. You can't explain an obsession, they just are.

To Buffy, 'faith' had meant so much, it was what you call it when you don't know the name of the person screwing you over. But it wasn't just the name itself, but Faith as a person even more so. To her, Faith stood for what had been and what was to come. It stood for reckless behaviour and it stood for scars, cuts and bruises. It stood for the nights spent with the people you love the most and the memory loss the fallowing mornings. She felt honored and thankful for having grown up with Faith being such a huge part of her life.  
Watching her let go of it all and realizing that there's a time and a place for everything, made her feel more comfortable in her own skin, somwhat comfortable anyway.  
She did believe that there was a big plan for everyone, but maybe not in this lifetime.

"We never got to experience it and who knows, maybe I would've been something she'd be good at."  
To Tara it seemed like Buffy was on her knees, asking for one last chance, like it was even up to her. She'd do just about anything, but she wouldn't give up. "You do realize that it's too late for this, right? And also, why are you talking to me about it, do you think I care, because I don't. God I don't care."

Once again, Buffy had been shot down with arrows from waves above.  
You won't see it coming when it happens, but when it happens you're going to feel it, when love comes and knocks you down. "And now your time is up and it's my turn, to see if I'm something she'll be good at."


	5. Stupid Girl

Slaying was nothing like before. It had become this burden, like a black rain cloud hanging over them.

"Faith, behind you!" Buffy yelped, with her back to her, Faith reached over to Buffy for the stake and jerked it out of her hand. "Can I barrow that?" One blow to the heart and the vampire turned into ashes and Faith jerked the stake back out. "Thanks B, couldn't have done it without you." Buffy started to brush the dust off of her clothes, but soon stopped. "Why do I even bother, right. It'll stay in forever." A smile was exchanged. "Pretty calm night, huh?" Buffy crossed her arms and nodded. "Look, I love being in your presence, really, I do. But I need to get some shut eye, I did the whole good-Slayer-stake-vamp thing." No smart ass comment, no nothing. "Okay."

They parted ways.

Faith opened the door to her sleazy motel room. It was dark and cold. She was hungry and all alone; _'The faster I go to bed, the faster I will fall asleep and the faster my hunger will disappear.'_ The second she pulled the worn out blanket over herself, there was a knock on the door. "Go away!" She yelled. "Please, I don't have anywhere else to go. It's raining. Faith, please." It was Buffy, again.

Faith dragged herself out of bed, covers around her and opened the door for her. "Thank you." Then she went back to bed and gestured for Buffy to take the other side of it. "No hogging the covers, or you're dead." She warned her, Buffy gulped and crept down beside her.

It wasn't like they hadn't shared a bed before. "I really appr…" Faith put a finger over her mouth. "No talk, sleep." She said and turned her back on her.

It was nearly 1AM and Tara had been waiting for hours, for Faith to call her, for Faith to at least hint that an apology was on its way.

"What time is it?" Buffy asked as she leaned over Faith to check the alarm clock. Faith's body tingled. "Are you going to get that, or what?" Realizing that the ringing wasn't coming from her ears, she answered the phone. "Better be good." She said in her raspy voice. "It's me, I'm sorry. I wanted to hear your voice and also, what the hell?" Faith sighed loudly, Buffy turned her back to give her some well deserved privacy. "Look, it's late and I'm really tied." Buffy let out a yawn. "Is somebody there?"

Tara felt ashamed for asking, considering the time and all. She didn't want to be nosy. "Uh yeah, Buffy's here. She needed a place to crash, so I offered her my crib for the night. I let her have the bed, I'm sleeping on the couch. Is that good enough for you?" She never wanted to make her cry, but it was all she could do to het her off her back. "Yeah, see you tomorrow." She hung up before Faith had the chance to tell her the truth.

"Why do you like to her?" Buffy asked, still not facing Faith. "I don't mean to. Sometimes I feel like that's all I can do to get her to trust me. She doesn't, like me being with you. Forget it, okay, can we sleep now?"

Faith could feel the warm breeze through the window and got up to close it. The night was still young and she felt she could do more good out there, protecting her own kind, than cooped up inside, with Buffy. The only reason she had let Buffy is, was because she hated to see her so down. She couldn't stand the look on her face, even in her sleep she was wearing it. The look of the saddest girl in the world, no longer a superwoman. She had to get out, while she still could.  
Faith lit a cigarette and leaned out the window. "Hey, get up. There are vamps out there just waiting for us to steal their hearts away. Come on."


	6. Lost and Delirious

The night was over in a heartbeat and the day went slow.  
Faith could sense that old feelings were slowly but definitely trying to reach the surface. No matter how hard you try to hide it, sooner or later it will reach the surface again. From all of the years Faith had known Buffy, she had learned how to do things without thinking them through and then just to accept that whatever happens, happens. There is nothing you can do about it, because it's life.

"Faith?" Her voice, so soft and sweet. "Do you think that if Tara wasn't in the picture, you and I would still be together?"  
All we can do is to learn and grow from our mistakes, but never regret anything. Because at one point it was exactly what we wanted.  
"Please don't ask me that." Faith could feel a migraine coming, she gently massaged her temples. "I just want you to know, that I am nothing without you."

Faith had broken her down so many times already, but to know that she was her weakness. Faith. She could make Buffy Summers' knees buckle, she could make her voice tremble, she could leave her begging for more. Always.

There was no surprise what today would bring them, both wonder and worry. "What are you doing?" An excellent question. "I need you, in my life, because without you it's pointless. Nothing matters, nothing will ever matter if you're not there by my side." Faith sighed loudly. "B, I will always be by your side, back to back, fighting whatever. I just won't be with you."

It felt like a stab, twist and turn of a knife. Buffy was bleeding out her pain. "I'm not a loan out, okay? So why don't you just go fuck the undead." They were both broken beyond repair and nothing they did would ever restore their lost innocence. "You don't mean that." And it was true, she didn't mean it, but in the heat of the moment Faith would blurt out anything. "It's okay if you don't want to be with me, really, it is. But if I can't be with you physically, I don't stand a chance. I'm weak without you, I am nothing, without you."

_A love letter, to whom it may concern_. Buffy had only poured her heart out mainly for one reason and one reason only. She knew it would get to Faith.  
"Ugh! Fuck! Why do you always do this?"  
How Buffy had become so attached, was beyond Faith. "It doesn't matter anymore, does it?" Faith shook her head. "No, no it doesn't matter Buffy. You know why? It doesn't matter, because I'm not your property, I'm not yours to keep."

It hurt her to think it, but even more so to say it out loud. "I know and I'm sorry. I can't help the way I feel." Which was obviously true, but why now? Was it just because she couldn't have her? Always reaching for the unattainable. When Faith did the same back in the day, Buffy hadn't even given her a chance. She knew Faith was trouble and didn't given her the benefit of doubt. "It all could've been different." Faith scoffed. "Yeah, it all could've been different alright. I tried so hard. I don't think I ever wanted anything as much as I wanted you. But you blew me off, every time, Buffy. Remember, I'm the only one who's been under your skin, litterly."

The body switch. It hadn't really bothered Buffy as much on the outside, as much as it had killed her on the inside. Faith and Riley, Faith and Angel, Faith and Spike. For the longest time it had always been Faith and someone else. Buffy had been on the sideline, not cheering.  
"It hasn't been easy for me. This. You. Us. I needed time. Time to accept, me. Time to learn and grown." Faith had always been outspoken and right on the dot, Buffy on the other hand, had been cautious. "You took too long, now all you're left with is time. Isn't that ironic?"

She started to walk away, Buffy grabbed her arm and pulled her back. "Faith, please, look at me." She could feel the pain in Buffy's eyes. "I can't stand this. Remember when 'get over it and move on' used to be simple?" Buffy pulled her hair back in a ponytail, short strains of hair fell in her face and Faith moved closer and pinned it behind her ears. "When did things ever used to be simple?" They shared a smile. To know that there is no end to the pain, sometimes hurts more than the actual pain.

For some the 'what ifs' never stop coming. Even though getting attached can sometimes be heartbreaking, Buffy always used to say that she'd rather get attached and love and lose than to never get attached and loved at all. Like it wasn't already hard enough to live in a two faced popular culture world, built on the artifice that demands nothing but authenticity. Add a Hellmouth and real life issues to that. Bits of her would be okay, other bits, less so.  
The feeling inside of her would never go away. It is the feeling of los. It is an emptiness that no one can ever fill. We as humans are lonely creatures, always searching for something more to satisfy our needs.

"At times I feel like crying. When people speak the truth, I realize how awful it really is. It strikes me just as hard every time, when I come to terms with how sick the world is and how it'll never be able to heal as long as we walk upon it, because we are never going to heal ourselves."  
That Faith held so much pent up anger inside of her came as no surprise. "You should go, you should get back to her." Faith gave her a nod and disappeared into the night.


End file.
